Just reread this and have to say that again I am filled with love from your words. Even after reading your complaints I am left with the love you feel. I have always been impressed with the friendship bond you maintain with former girlfriends. It speaks to an ability to see more than your own side of events.
I'm guessing we all have internal conflicts we haven't resolved and resolving them or letting them go if we can identify them can't hurt but whether they cause our disease,......I don't know. You strike me as someone who looks at himself quite regularly and honestly so if that is going to help with your cure, I think you have it covered.
You have such a fine way with words.....even in the middle of your chemo infested mind. Love you! LaVelle